what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
