I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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