Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
