I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
