Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
