All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
