i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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