Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
