I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
