so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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