if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
