she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
