i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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