Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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