Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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