fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
