You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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