We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
