I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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