If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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