I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
