you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
