I'm so fucking centered right now
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
