why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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