I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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