The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
