its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
