she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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