Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
