dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
