FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
