I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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