It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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