I don't usually arrange sex via text message
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
