just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He felt like a one man threesome
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
