Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
