lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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