I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
