my mouth tastes like poor choices
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
