And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize