I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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