Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
tell me about the eggs
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