he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's never too late to be topless.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
