found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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