our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
