We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
