; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
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