yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
