If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
