I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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