Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
