just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize