He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
