if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The power of my boobs compel you
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
