she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
