saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize