I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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