He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
