There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
