dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
