That's when you crack a 10am beer
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
