I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
