I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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