it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
