i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
