grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize