My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
