I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
