Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
