I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
