forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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